$10 for this conversation starter?
TWO THUMBS WAY UP
Today Spit or Swallow answers the question that dare not speak its name.
WHAT WINE SHOULD I DRINK WITH CHEESE PUFFS?
A: Any wine, first of all, and in large quantities because you’re already eating fried corn dusted with radioactive whey powder so go big or go home. However the better answer is KING KONG WINE, OF COURSE. The ($10) Big Red Monster label depicts a giant grape monster chasing after the terrified masses. Open up a bag of superior cheese puffs, grab a bottle, put on a 1950s horror B-movie, and congratulate yourself on an evening well done.
summer in graduate school adds an entirely new level to the “oh god i graduated and now i need a job [FUCK],” because i now understand that i will be doing this seasonally for the rest of my life. whatever results from my half-assed academic pursuits will inevitably land me to annual, tanning oil-induced existential crises.
however, i have cleaned up my act in the process. i recently said, “au revoir” to both my trademark mustache and my trademark wine. the job market these days demands a quality wage-laborer. not just any joker with a mustache and a hangover can land a sweet non-profit job in the mission district, one has to refine oneself to meet the demand of the market in a flooded labor market. mr. charles shaw’s merlot (and at various stages of my life i have found the cabernet to be quite delightful. and christ knows that the shiraz and i have a different history altogether) has proven itself as a cost effective way to get drunk, while also allowing me to remain “productive” in my (award winning) academic endeavors. however, a lack of financial aid, or any other form of disposable income for that matter, does <i>not</> mean a lack of intoxication. in fact, the opposite is true.*
my local corner store boasts the least expensive “crane lake” line of california wines in the entire city of san francisco! since my current passions keep me relatively house-bound these days (i’m very busy browing craigslist and re-writing cover letters to “admin/office positions in which my attached resume details my “relevant work experience to venture on a bicycle), i shop locally. thanks new bosworth market! i now can spend almost double for a wine that is in no way superior! yesterday i did a personal sampling of all the lovely crank lake reds that new bosworth had to offer. mixed with the buy-one-get-one-free coca-cola, the merlot’s midtones were made vibrant, and delightfully complimented the french fries and the “god, i walked all the way down here, this is going to take forever for the damn fries, i might as well get a burrito. i hope they actually leave off the sour creme this time” burrito that new bosworth always delivers on! had the bottle of cabernet, by the time i got to it, received the same coca-cola treatment as the merlot, it likely would have paired just as well. luckily i woke up with a sip or left next to me this morning, to give myself an objective, albeit belated taste. the shiraz, as wine spodeeodee**, was (thank christ) un-tasteable, and could have used the lemonade that my classic recipe hinges on. the verdict? crane lake, it’s been fun. don’t get me wrong, you’ve served your purpose in shortening/making bearable this last few days. but, crane lake, my heart belongs to another.
up next: tinto de verano with lemonade 4loko and the remaining fallen soldiers of the battle of crane lake.
*everyone who was ever awesome in the history of existence
Trader Joe’s Green Fin California White Table Wine
Got a simple white wine to bring to a barbecue, this was about four dollars. I stuck it in a freezer and totally forgot about it - apparently if you do that you need to drink it as soon as possible after you defrost it? Sure, I can do that. Note for the absurdly lazy - if you freeze the wine it pushes the cork out for you. If you are (like I mentioned before) somebody who doesn’t give a shit about white wine, this is inoffensive. Bonus: make winesicles! It tastes fine! Still boozy!
TAKING “SPIT OR SWALLOW” TOO SERIOUSLY!!
I just found a bottle of Gnarly Head chardonnay in the kitchen and instead of using a cork somebody decided to stuff it with A CONDOM. What is happening here, housemates?!
Okay guys, let me be real with you for a second. White wine is for pussies. The only time anybody wants white wine is when it’s really hot and the wine is really cold, and if you’re going to do that then you might as well be drinking a delicious beer or ale instead. White wine is something that dumb girls drink when they don’t appreciate alcohol but they want to get “wild”. The only reason I have any is because I made chicken with white wine and tomatoes for dinner and this is what’s left over. This is Gnarly Head Chardonnay, the best wine money can buy at 7-11. I expected something at least 3-4 dollars better than Barefoot Creek or Turning Head but I was disappointed. Not by the chicken though, I took one bite and unbuttoned my pants to make room for more. CHEERS.
Big House Red! Super down! Six bucks! Spaghetti night = resounding success! Swallow swallow swallow! I will judge any wine by its label! Man look at that collegiate sweatshirt! I should probably do my homework, huh!
okay. let’s be honest. in a kitchen w a flyyassgirl and three flyyy asss boos, two questiongabley straight, and i feel amazing. so: drink it,. okay? we all skinny here and dont care how many calories we consume.
franzia is flawless. pros only.
but if you were looking for a con, one could find flaw in the difficulty of gleaning the last drops from the space bag. it is really hard to polish off a bag without using a knife.
7.11, 7.11 —biggie
in any case, first of all: so glad my hair is winehouse and second of all : yeah.